highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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