How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
