Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
