I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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