____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
