Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
