yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
