people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You made out with two different species that night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
