whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
