Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
