Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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