I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
