did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
