I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
