I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
