So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
