@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
