I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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