It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
