one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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