Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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