I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just found puke in my bra..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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