I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
