imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
