I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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