I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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