I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
