do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
