The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
