my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
