My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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