god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
