i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
