On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
