Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
