Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
