Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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