he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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