I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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