i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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