You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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