Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
