You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
