It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
