I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
