she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
