Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
