You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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