having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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