we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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