She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
