Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I party with great urgency now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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