so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Randomize
