I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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