I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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