I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
