exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
