it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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