Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
