Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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