never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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