I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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