hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
