Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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