And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize