this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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