i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
