Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
