so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
