"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
