So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
