So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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