I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
