Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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