i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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