You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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