I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
