My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
