I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
