when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Holy sore nipples Batman
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
