well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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