Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
